Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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