so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize