I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize