On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
