i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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