I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
