Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
