No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
