I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
