I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
