Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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