i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
