It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
