Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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