May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
