I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
