I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
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Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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