had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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