Where did you get a picture of my penis
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
