If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
