its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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