Having a random hookup so left but love u
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
