I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
