i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
