I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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