PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize