Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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