we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
