im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
