he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
