a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
