just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
