but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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