Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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