yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This is my gift to your gina
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
