Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
