My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
