I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Damn victory sex feels great
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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