seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
