I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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