He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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