just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My feet surprised me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
