matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
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Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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