Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
