So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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