just tell him i said nine months
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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