i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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