I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
