Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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