maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
