i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
