According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
