Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
