I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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