went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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