there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
