I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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