i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
