Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
