i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
