I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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