im having a threesome with these popsicles
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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