You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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