I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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