Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
