***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
