the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
