Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize