i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society