the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.