you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body