dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
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it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
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You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.