So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?