You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
